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JUST STOP!

So apparently, according to my mum, I can just stop? I picked at my chin tonight because I am stressing out about a date this week. So yeah obviously the smart thing to do is pick at my skin because we all know that makes me look so much more attractive and makes me all the more confident ha! Anyway it’s my coping mechanism, not that it really helps, but seeing my chin like this has pissed my mum off. She became annoyed with me and said I should be able to just stop, to which I replied “If it were that easy I would have stopped already”. Of course she had an answer to this “I used to have OCD and I stopped”. Yes mum I also used to have severe OCD and I was able to control that and I’ve also managed to quit smoking but quitting picking is a whole other ball game! Well apparently she doesn’t believe that it is that hard to stop! *facepalm* hold on one second while I go and bang my head repeatedly against a brick wall … there much better!! Now where were we? Oh yeah that’s right JUST STOP!!! -_-

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Book Review: Forever Marked: A Dermatillomania Diary

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I have just finished reading Angela Hartlin’s book – Forever Marked: A Dermatillomania Diary. It has been a long time since I have found a book that has immediately captivated me and kept me wanting to know more. Usually I read a few pages, get bored of the content and put it on my bookshelf never to be read again; however this was not the case with Forever Marked. Right from the first chapter I became engrossed in the pages and I struggled to put it down as all I wanted to do was keep reading it. It came into the bathroom with me, I stood and read it while I waited for the kettle to boil and I even took it to the Doctor’s surgery with me and proudly displayed it in plain sight for everyone to see.

What  Angela’s book does is accurately depict the daily struggles of what it is like living with Borderline Personality Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Depression, Anxiety and of course Dermatillomania. To be able to glimpse inside the mind of someone suffering with these disorders is a unique experience and for someone like me, who suffers from Dermatillomania, Depression and Anxiety with Borderline and BDD tendencies the content was all too real for me. I could feel Angela’s pain as I have been there too many times to count – that intense self-hatred and all consuming depression that can darken even the brightest of days.  At times the content was difficult to read because it was so depressing and so real that you think to yourself “wow how did she survive this” and then “wow how have I survived this”. A part of me kept hoping to read about how she had gotten better and although it was made clear that she hasn’t stopped the picking, just knowing where she has come from to where she is now is hugely inspirational.

What Angela has done is put Dermatillomania on the map and given everyone who reads this book an insight into what it is like living with this debilitating, life-threatening disorder. While I still hope for a cure or a method to stop my picking it is encouraging to know that I am not alone. That I am not the only one to have felt so down about my Dermatillomania that I thought suicide was the only way out.

I recommend this book to anyone suffering with Dermatillomania or any of the other conditions mentioned above so that you can feel less alone in your struggles. It also helps to read about thoughts very similar to your own but from the position of an outsider. It adds a different dimension to our battles with these disorders when for once you can be on the outside looking in. This book is not a self-help book nor does it contain any information on how to stop picking but what it does do is REACH OUT to you.  This book is one I will most definitely read again!

So it goes without saying that Angie deserves a massive shout out for being so brave about sharing her innermost thoughts and feelings about what it is like living with these conditions! Thank you Angie!

TLC Order Arrived!!

My TLC order has arrived :) & look at the wealth of information I got sent!! The only thing is they didn’t send me the right bracelet I ordered but at least I’ve finally got myself a copy of Angie’s book! Can’t wait to get started!!! :D Oh and I love my fidgets… so excited to finally have some… playing with two of them right now instead of picking… WINNING!!

My TLC order has arrived 🙂 & look at the wealth of information I got sent!! The only thing is they didn’t send me the right bracelet I ordered but at least I’ve finally got myself a copy of Angie’s book! Can’t wait to get started!!! 😀 Oh and I love my fidgets… so excited to finally have some… playing with two of them right now instead of picking… WINNING!!

Stress + Boredom + Desire To Be “Perfect” =

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This my friends is what a combination of stress, boredom and wanting to be “perfect” does to my skin. Stressed because I have found a painful lump in my breast 😦 & as I am still on holidays I can’t get in to see a doctor yet so of course my mind is racing with “worst case” scenarios; boredom because for some reason I must find an overload of study & work more relaxing than holidays; and wanting to have my skin looking “perfect” so I wouldn’t have to hide it when my family (who I’m housesitting for) came back from their trip. Well they are back and I am having to sneak into the bathroom first thing in the morning to apply makeup before anyone sees me, quickly apply makeup after my shower so again no one sees the damage I have done to my face, and yes folks I am also having to sleep in my makeup! Talk about Derma issues!!!

What causes Skin Picking Disorder?

What causes Skin Picking Disorder?

“The cause of this disorder remains a mystery. However, research shows that some animals also pick or chew at their bodies, causing great damage. Because of this similarity, and the fact that in some women skin picking can fluctuate with the menstrual cycle, many believe that skin picking has an underlying genetic or biological cause.” – TLC

More research needs to be done to find out if there is an underlying genetic or biological cause because if there is it could pave the way for an effective treatment plan and/or cure. My family dog chews and licks at his skin to the point he is covered in lesions and loses hair because of it… the vets say that he has allergies but he has tried EVERY medication, steroid cream, and oral treatment there is and he STILL does it! Like my skin picking, which developed after I moved states from NSW to QLD, his skin chewing/licking developed after we moved states from QLD to WA. Just a coincidence?

Why Can’t I Just Stop?

Why can’t I just stop?

Why can’t I just stop?

WHY CAN’T I JUST STOP?

The endless commentary that continually runs inside my own head!

I WANT TO STOP SOOO BAD!!!

I’ve had enough of this damn derma!! ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH!!!

I can’t stop picking 😦

I try so damn hard but I JUST CAN’T STOP!!

And it gets me down!

SO SO DOWN!!!

Sometimes all we really need is a little push…

So you know how I was having a bad day… WELL I decided to put my big girl panties on… managed to do the grocery shop just fine and even buy meat! Then when my son suggested we head to the river before dinner I just had to say YES! And boy was it worth it! Check out that sunset:

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Then like the BIG KID I am, I just had to have a go on the swings:

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And there’s no faking that smile! I had butterflies in my stomach and I couldn’t stop laughing! Plus I didn’t stop there… I played chasey in the playground with my little boy and squealed going down the big “scary slide” with him, I even had sand in my shoes at the end of the evening… always a sign of good times had.

So I guess what I wanted to share with you all, is that even though my day started off plagued with depression, anxiety and all things Dermatillomania, I somehow managed to have the BEST afternoon I have EVER had with my son! And I laughed… I really laughed!!

Sometimes we build these things up inside our head to the point that they seem insurmountable but if we just push ourselves that tiny little bit then the possibilities are endless. Let this be your little push for today…

Battle Scars

Battle Scars

“These battle scars don’t look like they’re fading… don’t look like they’re ever going away” from the song Battle Scars by Guy Sebastian.

Fading Scars

So when my sores start to vanish I start to notice my scars a lot more. This photo doesn’t really do the scars justice but you can still make them out – they are the purple spots on my arm/hand. The colder it gets or the colder I feel the more pronounced these scars become. And I have them ALL over my body. Legs, arms, face, back, stomach… bottom… you name a body part and I can guarantee you it is covered in scars. It gets me down. I know I shouldn’t let it get me down but it does. Even if I stop the picking I still won’t be able to enjoy my skin because I have essentially wrecked it. However I have heard somewhere (not sure where) that skin renews itself every 7 years. So I’m going to hold onto the hope that I won’t always be scarred… or at least they won’t always be so noticeable. In the meantime I am using this:

It is Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula (with Vitamin E) Skin Therapy Oil. It has replaced Bio-Oil as my new favourite scar treatment. I found Bio-Oil quite greasy, you couldn’t put it on open sores and I didn’t overly enjoy the smell. This stuff, on the other hand, smells FANTASTIC (rosehip fragrance), is light & non-greasy, it doesn’t mention anything on its packaging about it not being suitable for use on open sores AND it’s gentle enough to be used on the face! WINNING! And as an added bonus not only is this stuff available for sale in the US and UK but also Australia and a few other countries! I’ll keep you updated on how well it goes on improving the appearance of my scars; in the meantime they have a website you can check out: http://www.palmers.com/

Just a little update…

Got about 5 quotes so far for the wristbands 🙂 and am getting some samples sent out in the post next week! Told the guy on the phone all about Dermatillomania & Trichotillomania….AWKWARD!!! Haha raising awareness in Australia one person at a time 😛

Also enquired at the post office and it will cost $2.60 (Australian Dollars – AUD) to post a band to the US/UK in a regular envelope via airmail (should take approximately 10 working days to arrive). It was the most affordable option they could offer so I hope that’s not too expensive for everyone – I think it works out less for US & UK buyers though due to the exchange rate at the moment.

Next step will be working out the cost of the band and this will depend on how much they cost to make. TLC sell their awareness bracelets for $4.00 and there was one recently being sold on ebay for $10 with 10% of the sale price going towards TLC. I was going to try and sell the derma ones for $4 or less with 50% of proceeds (the money left after expenses) going towards TLC and the other 50% going towards raising awareness in Australia. Does this sound acceptable to everyone?

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