Category Archives: Food Phobia
I’ve been doing really well lately – so well in fact that my picking has lessened enough that I went to the dvd store last night with NO makeup on my face. I was devastated when I realised the dvd store was shut and I would instead have to go inside the shopping centre to return my rentals BUT I did it! I may have been extremely anxious, fiddling with my fingers in my pocket the entire time and turning my head or looking down every time I passed another shopper, but I managed to leave my house without makeup and this is a small step in the right direction! I’m also weighing in at 43.3kg, and that was after a yucky bout of vomiting thanks to gastro, which means I have managed to put on 4.7kg in 6 months (probably more now that I can finally eat again)! Which means I’m only 1.7kg away from my goal weight of 45kg and I am slowly starting to not be so paranoid about germs in my food. Next step will be buying and cooking mince or chicken. At the moment I’m only ok with steak!
If you’re wondering why I’m all of a sudden talking about food I too suffer from OCD and have done since I was a little girl. I used to spend hours checking locks, taps and light switches but I managed for the most part to overcome that. Now, after a stressful period last year, it has returned in the form of thinking my food is contaminated and being extremely cautious with what I buy and eat. And I also have to wash my hands quite frequently with hot water and soap! I thought I’d kicked my OCD but my psychologist told me that in times of stress it can return as it is the only way I feel like I can have some control over what’s happening in my life. OCD is about control and when I felt like I was losing control the OCD returned.
Does anyone else suffer with any other conditions on top of the Dermatillomania? My official diagnosis a few years ago, when my picking was at its peak, was: severe depression with suicidal tendencies, anxiety disorder, OCD and Dermatillomania. Fun times… not!!
About to attempt the grocery shopping and already I can feel my anxiety levels rising. I break down and cry in shopping centres because I am that OCD about food. I NEED to get over this! I NEED to start cooking again! Food is essential to life. You can’t survive without it. I can’t. And I know my son certainly can’t. I just wish I knew how to fix this. Life was much easier when all I had to worry about was the skin-picking. This food obsession is a whole new confusing ball game.
So I went to see my Doctor today because I have been suffering from bad headaches that feel like pressure building up in the back of my head, have been having trouble sleeping (averaging about 3-4 hours sleep a night) and felt like I had lost more weight because of this OCD I have about food at the moment.
Turns out: I’m stressed! Tension headaches, insomnia and am now down to 38.6kg. The Doctor asked me if I was anorexic to which I replied “Is that when you want to be thin? Because this is not what I want at all!” I then went on to explain about my current obsession with food and how I think everything I eat is contaminated with bacteria (the bad kind!). He has now requested I come see him regularly so that he can continue to monitor my stress and weight levels. I also start seeing my psychologist again towards the end of January 2013. I’m still avoiding taking the antidepressants I’ve been prescribed – I guess I’m still holding onto the hope that I can conquer this on my own.
Not looking forward to coming home from work tonight either. Usually I retreat immediately to the bathroom where I begin to pick and tweeze at my skin for hours on end. It would be nice to come home and not do it for a change. I guess we’ll wait and see what happens.