This is my forearm. The big gash started off as a tiny little scratch from brushing up against a wooden pallet at work. I knew as soon as it happened it would become something much larger. I honestly thought that tonight would be the first night I went without picking. I got home from work, unwound for a few hours and was starting to get sleepy. Before I tucked myself in for the night I decided to go to the toilet. As soon as I pulled my trousers down to sit down I picked at a scab on my upper thigh without even realising it. As soon as I noticed what I had done I became angry and disappointed with myself so I figured “what’s one more?” This gash was the second scab I picked at. Then I lost count. I entered that all too familiar “trance-like” state with tweezers in hand and went to work on myself. It’s now 3:30am in the morning. I am sore, bleeding and weeping and all the shower did was wake me up more. Now I have to try and unwind again so I can hopefully get some sleep before my son wakes up in about 4 hours time. My Dermatillomania has a negative impact on ALL aspects of my life but the one I notice the most, apart from the physical scars it leaves behind, is the interference it has on my sleep. Lack of sleep also impacts negatively on every other part of my life so I feel like I am constantly stuck in this vicious never ending cycle.
Posted on January 10, 2013, in Picking. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.
I completely agree…it’s a sleep wrecker. It’s so strange. I see pictures of your wounds and think, “ouch!” But I can’t conjure up that same feeling when I look at my own scars and wounds. I often wonder what that reaction (or lack of reaction) says about my personality, and the personality of other skin pickers. I am sending you lots of support and love. I know what it’s like to wake up after a long night of picking with that picking-induced hangover. Take it a day at a time, a breath at a time. That’s all any of us can really do, right? *hugs*
Thanks for your words of encouragement and for your support! And I know what you mean – when I look at pictures of other people’s derma or if I see someone picking I also think to myself “ouch” and “how can they do that?” and then I realise that I do that. I think our reactions are probably normal, we are just so numb to our own pain, our own wounds, and our own scars that we don’t notice it as much anymore.