Ok so I woke up today aware of the fact that I have made a commitment to myself to quit picking. So far I have only played with two pimples on my face and I have given myself permission to do this. I am not going to get upset with myself (as this only causes me to pick more) and I am not going to assess the damage in the mirror. I am simply going to be understanding and compassionate towards myself today. I can’t change overnight after all!
This morning I have been laying in bed reading Pearls by Christina Sophia Pearson which is a book of meditations on recovery from hair pulling and skin picking. One of the lines in the first meditation really resonated with me, it reads: “Today I know that living behind bars of compulsion closes me in, and I no longer wish to stay there.” Many skin pickers refer to their struggle as feeling like they are stuck in a Dermatillomania prison, forged by their compulsive behaviours. I no longer wish to be in this prison. I want to break free. I want to experience freedom and taste it on the tip of my tongue. I want to be able to shop carelessly, dress carelessly, dance carelessly, love carelessly… basically experience life out of prison and without the constant fear of wondering if my skin is still covered (have my sleeves ridden up?) or if my makeup has run off (can people see my spots?). I want to experience life! I want to LIVE! Because as we all know, life with Dermatillomania ain’t really living!
I will keep you updated on my journey (daily if I can!) and share with you my successes and my failures along the way, as I know I am bound to experience the occasional slip up. So far I haven’t put any strategies in place so it kind of feels like I have set out on a journey without a road map, unsure of the final destination… BUT I WILL get there and SO CAN YOU! For now I will read a meditation daily from Christina’s book, gently tell myself “no” every time I am aware of my fingers touching my skin (it’s important to be kind to yourself) and go about buying some fidgets. Can anyone recommend any good ones?
That’s all for now but may I add… far out it’s hard not to pick at healing scabs… they are so dry and flaky and crispy and I just wanna… NO dermagirl NO!!!