Monthly Archives: July 2013

Relapsing

Having a not-so-great day today. I’ve relapsed since coming on holidays. Most people find holidays relaxing – I, on the other hand, find that having nothing to do actually makes me incredibly anxious and allows my depression to creep back in a little. I didn’t want to get out of bed today. I felt sick (I suffer from medically diagnosed Irritable Bowel Syndrome with the possibility of also having chronic appendicitis) so trying to push past the pain/discomfort barrier was a little difficult this morning. Since then I have spent the last 3 hours picking at my face… mostly while sitting here on the laptop but I’ve also headed into the bathroom a few times to have a session in front of the mirror with my tweezers. This is what my face looks like now, it is the same on the other side:

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I’ve been trying to figure out what about today is making me so anxious that I feel the need to pick. I’ve hit on a few things… someone is coming over today to feed the birds so being “skin-ready” for visitors always makes me anxious, I need to go to the shops to get something for dinner & because my OCD also manifests itself in the form of fearing all food is contaminated with bacteria, especially meat, food shopping is really nerve-wracking for me and I then need to cook dinner which is also making me incredibly anxious.

So I’ve since put on some makeup, brushed my hair & changed out of my PJ’s in the hopes it will encourage me to get off my ass and finally face the day:

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However even with the makeup on you can still see the pockmarks on my skin 😦

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Battle Scars

Battle Scars

“These battle scars don’t look like they’re fading… don’t look like they’re ever going away” from the song Battle Scars by Guy Sebastian.

Fading Scars

So when my sores start to vanish I start to notice my scars a lot more. This photo doesn’t really do the scars justice but you can still make them out – they are the purple spots on my arm/hand. The colder it gets or the colder I feel the more pronounced these scars become. And I have them ALL over my body. Legs, arms, face, back, stomach… bottom… you name a body part and I can guarantee you it is covered in scars. It gets me down. I know I shouldn’t let it get me down but it does. Even if I stop the picking I still won’t be able to enjoy my skin because I have essentially wrecked it. However I have heard somewhere (not sure where) that skin renews itself every 7 years. So I’m going to hold onto the hope that I won’t always be scarred… or at least they won’t always be so noticeable. In the meantime I am using this:

It is Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula (with Vitamin E) Skin Therapy Oil. It has replaced Bio-Oil as my new favourite scar treatment. I found Bio-Oil quite greasy, you couldn’t put it on open sores and I didn’t overly enjoy the smell. This stuff, on the other hand, smells FANTASTIC (rosehip fragrance), is light & non-greasy, it doesn’t mention anything on its packaging about it not being suitable for use on open sores AND it’s gentle enough to be used on the face! WINNING! And as an added bonus not only is this stuff available for sale in the US and UK but also Australia and a few other countries! I’ll keep you updated on how well it goes on improving the appearance of my scars; in the meantime they have a website you can check out: http://www.palmers.com/

Holidays

School holidays started in Western Australia today. So last night me and my little boy hit the road and now we’re enjoying the next 10 days in the country!  There is something about the atmosphere of a small country town that relaxes me so much more than the suburbs/city. In a way I think moving from our family farm to a town environment when I was 4 years old may have contributed to my Dermatillomania. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to return to the country for good. But for now I get to spend the next week and a bit reading, writing and drawing… 3 of my most favourite things to do! And all while spending lots of quality time with my little man before he goes back to school and I go back to uni! ♥

Self Portrait – Keeping My Hands Busy

Self Portrait - Keeping My Hands Busy

Just a little update…

Got about 5 quotes so far for the wristbands 🙂 and am getting some samples sent out in the post next week! Told the guy on the phone all about Dermatillomania & Trichotillomania….AWKWARD!!! Haha raising awareness in Australia one person at a time 😛

Also enquired at the post office and it will cost $2.60 (Australian Dollars – AUD) to post a band to the US/UK in a regular envelope via airmail (should take approximately 10 working days to arrive). It was the most affordable option they could offer so I hope that’s not too expensive for everyone – I think it works out less for US & UK buyers though due to the exchange rate at the moment.

Next step will be working out the cost of the band and this will depend on how much they cost to make. TLC sell their awareness bracelets for $4.00 and there was one recently being sold on ebay for $10 with 10% of the sale price going towards TLC. I was going to try and sell the derma ones for $4 or less with 50% of proceeds (the money left after expenses) going towards TLC and the other 50% going towards raising awareness in Australia. Does this sound acceptable to everyone?

Sunshine and Scarring

Sunshine and Scarring

It’s Winter here in Perth, Western Australia but you wouldn’t know it! The sun is still shining and there’s hardly a chill in the air so yesterday I decided to catch a bit of the sun’s rays while they’re still hanging around.

I decided to take pictures so you could see the different types of scarring I have on my body. There’s the white lumpy scars on my belly. The dark purply brown scars on my legs. And then of course as soon as my skin is exposed a bit of picking is bound to happen. In that photo, not only can you see the freshly picked spots but also the white and brown scars. If I tan, the brown scars fade but the white ones stand out and if I remain pale the white scars aren’t noticeable but the brown ones are. So I can’t win either way really!

Minor Relapse plus Genetic Precondition?

Sooo I’d finally managed to get my face clear and then last night while I was reading a book I started to pick at it again. I attacked the spots that were almost healed (they were dry and flaky) and I don’t know if subconsciously I did it because I still wanted there to be something to pick at on my face. :/ So now I can not wait for my fidgets to arrive! TLC sent me shipping confirmation today so I am excitedly waiting for my parcel!

On a different note while I’m sitting here writing this my 6 year old son is picking at his lip. He’s a lip picker but ONLY when there is dry skin there to actually be picked off. I’m telling him to stop because it will hurt if he rips it off and he gives me a cheeky smile like he knows that’s what’s going to happen but he wants it off anyway. So far I’ve kept his hands busy with a drawing & writing activity and I’ve told him to drink water to hopefully rehydrate his lips but I guarantee you he’ll pick at them later when I’m not looking. I also went to visit my nan last night with my mother and while I was sitting there picking at a spot on my back, my mum was sitting there scratching at her face. Genetic much?

WordPress Not Working

Ok before I lose my wordpress yet again… is anybody else having problems accessing their wordpress blog? I can go days at a time with a “Page not available” message coming up whenever I try to access my blog and then all of a sudden out of the blue it will work again. I’m getting really frustrated with it because it’s delaying my posts and preventing me from replying to commenters. I was going to pay the $18 a year and turn this blog into my own domain but I don’t want to pay for something I’ll still have trouble accessing. Can anyone help me with this?

Dermatillomania – My old skin care routine

Video 3 is live! Titled “Dermatillomania – My old skin care routine” it was filmed back in 2009 & I was demonstrating the routine I used to follow for my skin. At the time I was using The Body Shop’s Vitamin E range but switched a couple of years ago to their Seaweed range which is super light on the skin which means no breakouts for me yay!! I’d also forgotten about the Aloe Vera gel for the open wounds… I now use Bactroban cream, prescribed by my doctor, if I get an infection. Last year I was getting LOTS of them thanks to the huge amount of stress I was under. Thankfully this year has seen improvements all round ♥

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