My new motto to try and get me to stop picking when I’m in the moment. I thought I’d share it on the off chance it may help someone else!
Category Archives: Pictures
I fixed it! I fixed it!
So my nose is quite sore at the moment. What started off as about 3 miniscule little blackheads is now one massive open flaming bright red gash across my nose. I’ve been picking at it for about a week now and gouging at it with my tweezers… I haven’t managed to get the blackheads out but I have managed to do some serious damage to the surrounding skin. The photo doesn’t do it justice and I’ve also covered it in cream to try and reduce the swelling. I seriously just do not understand why I do this to myself? And what’s worse is I actually thought I was fixing it!! Well doesn’t a bright red open sore look soooo much better than 3 tiny black dots you could barely notice!!! The worst thing about this disorder is not understanding at all why you do it. And even though I know I’ve just damaged my skin and made it look 100 times worse than what it was I am still sitting here picking at another spot I’ve found while I write this. Does it ever end???
Inflamed Wrists
I can’t stop attacking my skin… especially my right wrist. I keep doing it over and over and over again! It is now sore, swollen, red and hot to touch. This means I’ve done it again; I’ve given myself another infection. And I’m sure that repeatedly digging my tweezers into the sores certainly isn’t going to help them heal any quicker. Why can’t I stop?
Deep Sorrow…
… the feeling you get when you look in the mirror and see a spotted monster staring back at you.
Will I always feel like this everytime I look in the mirror? Will I always look like this? And if eventually I take control of my picking and the wounds go, will the scars disappear? And if the physical scars disappear, will the emotional ones?
Infected
So I’m starting to develop an infection again. It’s been a while since I’ve had one. The spot with all the cream on it was really itchy last night and I must have kept picking at it. Today it is red, sore and swollen and when I run my hand over it, it feels like there is a golf ball beneath the skin. So me and my smart thinking: I thought it would be a great idea to just attack it with tweezers. I have now put antibacterial cream on it and bandaged it up. Here’s hoping that’s enough to combat the infection. Sometimes when I get them on my legs, the pain is that bad I can hardly walk – it feels like my leg is burning and the sore will be hot to touch. Yet I refuse to see a doctor when it is like that because I hate their “I told you so” disapproving looks.
All bandaged up! I can still feel the sore throbbing as I sit here and write this though. It’s like it has a pulse of its own.
Learning To Love Myself
Am totally loving what I’ve done to my nails at the moment. A pleasant distraction from my many spots and scars. Little by little I’m learning how to love myself so that maybe one day I will love all of me – battle scars and all. ♥
